The PDF instructed him to replace all bedding with purple satin. "Slipperiness increases perceived skill by 40%," it claimed. Carlos drove to a 24-hour drugstore and bought the only satin-like item: a woman’s bathrobe. He spread it over his bed like a picnic blanket.
Valeria arrived at 8:00 PM. She saw the bathrobe-sheet, the smoldering churro, and Carlos mid-recitation: "Valeria, your elbows remind me of a sunset in Guadalajara."
Carlos stared at the blinking cursor. Three dating apps, two failed talking stages, and one very promising second date with Valeria loomed over him. His friend Marco had whispered the secret: "Bro, just get the PDF. It’s called 'Cómo Triunfar en la Cama.' Changes everything."
"Light exactly three vanilla candles and one 'unexpected' scent, such as bacon or new car smell." Carlos had no vanilla candles, only a Glade plug-in and a half-eaten churro. He lit the churro on a plate. It smoked eerily.
"Ask me what I like. Listen. And don't set any more pastries on fire."
She reached over and blew out the churro.